After the Fact
by sumthynspecial
Summary: Started out oneshot Snape's POV after the HBP left off. Got enough reviews to encourage me to keep going. Feel free to request other POV's. SPOILER ALERT FOR HBP!
1. Severus Snape

A/N: In case you didn't catch it by the summary, this is a reallllly big spoiler for HBP, so if you haven't read that... don't read this. I just had to get this off my chest to make me feel better... I'm not going to say it's a theory... but a girl can hope,right? I mean, push comes to shove.. if Snape's bad, I guess I'm rooting for Voldemort. Oh yeah, and needless to say, the characters don't belong to me. Book 6 would have ended way different if it did.

xJL

**_After The Fact_**

I hate myself. For all the horrid things that I have done, the sins that I have spent these past years atoning for, I can honestly say for the first time that I loathe being me. My skin feels dirty - the kind of filth that you can't spell off, that a vat of scalding water couldn't cleanse. I've tried everything short of drinking myself into oblivion – losing my awareness right now would cost too much, make his sacrifice meaningless. His loss. I hate him too, by the way.

Funny thing is, I think I finally know how I'll die. All this time I thought the Dark Lord would do me in, or more likely, have me done in at one of his private parties. I know differently now. Potter is going to kill me. I could see it in his eyes. That little-piece-of-shit-boy-wonder is going to kill me someday and I can't honestly say I don't deserve it. If it wasn't for me he might still have his parents, he might still have his wretched mutt of a godfather, he might still have his mentor… My mentor.

I won't fight him, I won't even try to stop him. I guess in my own twisted way I see it as being the final penance for what I've done, and I look forward to it with whatever humanity that might still linger in me, hidden only Merlin knows where. I do have a few futile wishes though. I hope that I'm there to see that pathetic excuse for a savior take the last breath from the monster I'm forced to serve. I'll fight at his back that day, and then, when the smoke is cleared he'll turn his wand on me. I'd like to think I'll pass into death with more grace than I ever managed in life, and I'd like to think it will be soon. Even more than that, though I'll readily profess that I don't think it likely, I'd like for him to someday know the truth. Years after I'm gone even, if someone – not that I would have any idea as to who – but if someone ever finds the truth of what happened I think the remains of my soul might rest easier.

I had never been so horrified of any request that was ever made of me. I told him no. Actually I told him that he had finally gone senile and we should contact St. Mungo's directly. He was so convinced it was the only way. It didn't matter how much we argued out in that forest, he won. He always won. I regretted it from the moment I finally agreed, wanted nothing more than to cut my own tongue out for uttering such words. The last recognizable part of my soul I'm sure must have perished when I was brought, much too soon, to the time I had to fulfill my hated promises. I wish I had never agreed. I wish that I had finally found a way to tell that infernal man no. How dare that stupid boy call me a coward? He never could have… no I won't allow myself this fury again. He's a child. I hope someone tells him the truth someday. I hope, pettily albeit, that he finally realizes he was just a stupid boy that knew nothing. I hope, for his sake, he never has to know the things I've known. This is war. War has sacrifices. Albus, in one quick step, sacrificed not only himself, but any chance I may have had for redemption. I deserve death for what I've done to him. The man that was so much a father to me. I hate it. I hate myself for doing it, for not finding another way. And it's not just me I hate for this. I hate him too.


	2. Harry Potter

A/N: Got lots of great reviews for Snape's POV, so I decided to keep going. (Thankyou so much by the way) If you have any suggestions for P.O.V.'s to do, feel free to suggest. As a side note, SPOILER ALERT for HPB (I'm sure you know that by now, but have to be safe.) And I don't own HP or any of that kinda stuff, cuz, like I said, the book would have ended way different.

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_Harry's P.O.V._

I don't think I have enough in me to hurt anymore. I should still be grieving – but I'm not – and I know it's wrong. I just don't have the time to cry.

I don't think I ever understood. Actually, I'm sure I didn't. For all he had told me, for all he had tried to get it through to me, I never really got it until the night he died. This isn't some destiny that a cruel world unfairly heaped on an unsuspecting child like I believed for so long. This is the path that I choose. Ginny was right, and somehow she knew long before I did. I will never be happy unless I'm hunting that bastard. I will never be free until he's dead. I don't care if it takes the rest of my life to do it, or if it takes my life trying. I won't stop until one of us has drawn our last breath – and mark my words – it won't be me to die that day. And it won't just be Voldemort. I hate him. I'm disgusted by him. But I'll kill him not just for me, but for the entire wizarding world, for every person that has made this life the home I never had.

Severus Snape, however - that one is completely and totally personal. I want him dead just as much as I want Voldemort dead, but I'm going to be selfish and say that it's not for the sake of the world. It's for my parents. It's for Sirius. It's for every nasty thing he has ever said or done to someone I love. It's for Dumbledore that I'll land that final blow. It's for me that he'll die begging.

You know, I heard the rumors. The ones that I would be the next dark lord. I'm sure they would have survived had I chosen Slytherin like the Sorting Hat wanted me too. But no, because I'm in Gryffindor they believe me too kind, too gentle to really hurt anyone. To want someone to hurt. That will be his downfall. He thinks I haven't got it – the "nerve or ability," he said. We shall see, Snivillus. You will see just how wrong you were. When that day comes, and I swear on the graves of every person you have taken from me – it will come – when it does you will die at my feet begging like the COWARD you are. I'll take my time and make you pay for every sin, every murder, every tear you have ever played a role in, you disgusting bastard. That last blow will be for Dumbledore, but every drop of blood you spill until then will be for me. And every time you beg me to stop, to just kill you and stop the pain, I'll relive at night in my dreams. Then, when that day comes, my dreams will finally be pleasant ones, and I'll go to sleep every night knowing I'll rest easy. Knowing that I sent you to the Hell you belong in.

Mouth shut, mind closed. That's what you said isn't it? Well I hope you don't mind if I ignore you again, I doubt I'll be able to stop myself from giggling like a first year when your dying at my feet.

This is personal, Snivillus. It's time to go hunting.


End file.
